ANGER (Part 3): Top 10 manners that will chronically keep you angry. Control them.
Just like me, you must be wondering why someone or you yourself keep getting angry and for a long time. Whenever I am angry at something or with her and keep silent, my fiancée usually refers to it as sulking. So let me find the difference between sulking and anger and which one is worst. According to the Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary, Sulking is simply to be silent and refuse to smile or be pleasant to people because you are angry about something that they have done. Though we defined anger at the beginning, it is fair we repeat this with this same dictionary and then compare. According to the same dictionary, anger is a strong feeling which makes you want to hurt someone or be unpleasant because of something unfair or hurtful that has happened. I think the latter is more dangerous than the former. Two things make it dangerous; it is a strong feeling and it makes you want to hurt someone. Actually, sulking is one way of using our anger. I remember that whenever I sulk, my fiancée sweet-talks me and does me many favors, including kisses and songs so I can smile again. And when I have scored enough of those nice things, I become nice again. And she does the same whenever she needs more of my attention and eeeh I won’t make her smile before I serve her like a queen.
Thousands of things make us angry in our daily lives. Actually, according to mix1065fm.cbslocal.com, even people who cut in line, people who spit in public, people who text and drive, people who don’t say please and thank you, people who put us on hold when we call or don’t pick us all make us angry. Yeah, they can spoil even your whole day if you choose so. The website www.bathchronicle.co.uk adds people who don’t stop at zebra, motor bikers who never obey rules and so many other things that may look funny to some of us. Actually, it reminds my sweetheart. She is always mad at drivers of all kind whenever they are out of rules and I just smile. Then, she can say, “but hani, who are you supporting now? Them or me? And of course it’s her.
Anyway, after reading through enough literature and reviewing my life experience and other people, here are the top major things that will make you chronically mad if you don’t take control of them.
1. Embark on being a perfectionist. The challenge is that perfectionists rarely realize that they are ones. You will never escape being angry if you always want things and the world to get organized according to your wants or wishes. You enter a house and you can’t appreciate any organization. You wanted the TV to be in the corner but it is in the center, you wanted the glasses to be at the top of the cupboard but they are in the middle. What will stop you from getting annoyed? Perfectionists expect people to be perfect too and won’t excuse themselves or the other person if something goes wrong. By the way, what guarantees that something went wrong? Just because it didn’t happen according to your plan doesn’t make it wrong. You could be the wrong one here. Anyway, according to Dr. Les, this person will angrily busy himself in trying desperately to make the world perfect.
1. Hold on strongly on your beliefs. Yeah, there are those Christians who will never allow common sense or logic to ever apply. Their religion or their belief is the only thing right and correct and all others are wrong. They will try to convince the world to believe or force the bible pages, laws and instructions into your head and this all fails. They get forever get angry with you and will condemn you and hate you. It is good to have a belief but give a room to those with a different kind. And if they don’t follow you by peaceful means, why not leave them? Are you there remote so you can control them? I am actually wondering why you are even mad at them. Yeah, we all get irritated at people not behaving accordingly but this shouldn’t be on our mind even for a day. We have our own lives to control.
2. Endlessly fight for your rights. I hear people scream, it is my right, eeh, and it is my right. They cry it today, tomorrow, and forever. What is this? Get me well, I am not talking of the general international human rights, I am talking of the own-created rights that we keep demanding from the people who live with us. We won’t escape anger if we always have rights to demand since people are not going to let us have them, we have to let some go and move on.
3. In the book, get the best of your anger before it gets the best of you, Dr. Les cites another point: Overload your schedule. Eeh, I have never seen very irritable and angry people like the tired ones. For those who read my articles, you remember the article, right timing in business. In that article, we agreed that it may not help to approach your boss with requests when she or he is very tired or occupied. In such moments, he will shift his anger from work to you and you won’t like it. If you have no time to rest, anger is chronically your guest.
4. Consider other’s view as weak and yours correct. Yeah, if we never wanna listen to the other person’s point of view, we won’t escape anger. There are people who will invite you for a discussion when they already have the whole plan of how it will end. This means any change from his expectations will make him angry. I used to see this at school during general discussions and debates.
5. Pride yourself that you are never silly; make fun of things like love and jokes. There are those people who are always serious, never silly. When he enters church, class, taxi, or work place, he means business and won’t tolerate any kind of silly behavior, jokes or fun. These guys will be angry even at a lady smiling with a fiancée on a phone. They will be mad at a secretary who smiles with a client. To them, madness and craziness in love are sins and tell me where will such people be without feeling hurt and angry?
1. Expect others to serve you or to cater for you. Yeah, it is enjoyable to count on someone for your provisions but never overstretch this. People who always expect others to serve them and be there for them are usually disappointed. Learn to serve others instead of being served all the time. And there are those who expect others to be nice to them, to say thanks to them, and to timely grant them their request. You won’t escape getting angry if you are the type. I am not saying that it is entirely wrong, I am simply saying that learn how to overgrow it if it doesn’t serve you right.
2. Always nag and criticize. “Question everything, even your shadow”-Ortega Ian. Actually, that statement was said to Ortega Ian by his friend Andrew Mwenda and, according to Ian, it is one of the great sentences that he likes about Mwenda. Yeah, there are people like that, who never expect everything to be okay, who always suspect danger in whatever may be happening, and rarely see the good in other people or things. I don’t think Ian and Mwenda are such kind, but I think they rarely agree. This is a little bit different from being negative. Negative people are worse. This one just cites people who always want to see wrong in others and of course will be made angry. I don’t think Ian is always angry, but I am sure he crosses with people often. Anyway, if you want anger to chronically be your guest, be the type.
3. Worship money, possessions, and power. To you, people should only be used to get the riches you desire. For those who follow my articles, I have always shown the dangers of girls citing men by what they have instead of love. Their hearts are broken within months of marriage. Haven’t you read the today’s story in New Vision of a woman who has cheated on her husband four times with the shamba boy in their marital bed? How do you expect not to get angry when human relationships are none of your business? You don’t care about crossing with each other as long as money spills off and you expect anger to leave your blood!
4. Have no empathy for others or ever examine yourself too. You see, before we became who we are now, we were like those we get mad at now. In the book, apples of gold, Jo Petty cites a quotation that says, “When you are grown up, remember that you were once a child and when you are a child, know that you will grow up”. I think we always get angry because we feel like the other person shouldn’t have acted the way he did. But if we could spare a moment and ponder about our past, we would discover that we were even more annoying. Some of us we never want to examine ourselves to see if we are the wrong ones, mbu we are superior and thus always right. With this manner, we can’t escape being angry and aggressively punishing people, including our children and workers or subjects.
Till next time. God bless you and thanks for reading.