You are planting a bomb for yourself by becoming too good

You see, I want all of us to pay attention to this message for it is very delicate. It is the bible’s teaching and even that of the society that we should try to be good and cope up with everyone and this is the truth. However, I want us to realize that when doing well to others irrespective of whatever consequences and it has become our number one priority, then we are no longer doing well with control but have left self-esteem and giving in ourselves hoping to make it work out. In that case, we are servants and bonded to serving others and the world without considering ourselves which is not different from total self-destruction.

Like I pointed out in the book, the 3 loves we need, we have 3 kinds of love (self-love, love for others and love for God). When we forego self-love, we have already failed on the other since we can’t give what we don’t have. Yeah, I am sure you are aware of Jesus’ teaching of denying ourselves and following Him or of how those who love themselves will lose their lives compared to those who give it up for Him. But He also taught us the first great commandment as love others the way we love ourselves. Times back, we discussed where love begins. Most of you agreed that we start with loving ourselves, then our neighbors and lastly our God. However, we finally agreed that love starts or started with God and we love God only because He loved us first. So God teaches and loves us, then we understand how to love ourselves and transfer this to our neighbors.

From the above simple explanation, we understand that we can’t be able to love others without loving ourselves. A person who is obsessed with having no spot among people will concentrate on pleasing everyone by over-extending goodness and kindness. This doesn’t mean he is still under the control of his services to people but have completely lost himself and indirectly doing suicide. What happens next? Everyone exploits him and he will either die of weary or guilty because he can’t be good enough as expected. Listen, there is a problem: Whenever we become too good to someone or a situation, it becomes like a guarantee for us to be at the serving end and the other individual at the receiving end.

An example, if you are always apologizing to your friends, then they will never apologize to you and the day you don’t apologize will be taken as your sin and you will feel guilty about it. This will be not because you are really wrong but because it is your job to apologize. But ehh, you may say, “I don’t lose anything in apologizing”. Here is another example, if you are the one who cooks and prepares children for school at home, then it will finally be your duty and not your wife’s and the day you fail to do it will be taken as your sinful day and you will either have to do it to restore peace or risk losing your wife’s love. Of course, all wives and people are not the same. Some really understand the limits of your help and goodness and won’t judge you when you take a break but others will.

The above is not the only problem of over-stretching kindness and goodness, the real problem is that you lose yourself and get caught up with guilty for failing to deliver according to your friends’ expectations. This makes you feel bad and your real true self and judgment fades and then you are prone to the real sinning. I hope you read my article, the goodness that carry no blessings, where we agreed that when people exploit our inability to control our sacrifices and we end up serving wrong people, it doesn’t bring any blessings and actually brings us closer to sin.

What am I saying today? We really have to be good and nice to people but a little roughness and toughness is important to balance this trait. There is an English proverb that says that too much of everything is bad and it is true here on earth and in heaven. Did you know that God’s grace has limit too? Yeah, today’s article is important to remind us that over-exploited grace no longer serves its purpose too. The difference here is that God never loses that control and He knows well when to hold on or let go, when to punish and when to forgive, when to be smooth and nice and when to be rude and tough and that’s what we should know too.


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Born from Uganda, Nemeyimana Vicent (Nemvicx) has become what people call, "coming from nothing to something". Professionally, he is both a nurse and public health officer and currently works with Mulago National Referral Hospital. In 2016, he wedded his wife and great sweetheart, Amulen Winfred (also a professional Midwife and counsellor). Besides their professions, Nemvicx is an inspirational writer, singer, motivational speaker, author of several digital books. He a theologian and blogger at (The Complete You Ministry).

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