Don’t be too needy, you may lose your freedom: The worst price for the help you get

For those who follow my writings, you must have read my action-reward philosophy, a great ex-positional article I did a lot of months ago. In that exposition, we agreed that there is never such an action without an attached reward. Every action we do whether good or bad is influenced by the reward attached onto it. If a person helps you, he is actually helping himself more than you. There is no sin in this, it is nature. The sin arises if the reward we force on an action is not the natural reward for that specific action. In Adam Smith’s writings as cited by President Museveni, Adam writes, “It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker, that we expect our dinner but from their regard for their own interest. We address ourselves, not to their humanity but to their self-love”. Okay, so, in simple terms, the help that people give you has a reward (a pay in exchange either from you directly, indirectly or from some other source). And the worst pay for your help is your freedom, your life’s desires.
With the above background, I want to assure you that the more you become needy and vulnerable and get help and support from others, the more you lose your freedom. As I have always noted, the place where I lost much of myself was during my College times in the nursing school. This is the time my soul was tortured to its limits; I lost weight, lost desire, left life. Even the little that I ate, the small desire is kept or grasped did not make me up for everything was on tension. And I lost what we simply call freedom. Freedom is a big word. It simply means being able to express who you are and what you are without fear of being hurt or punished. Usually, it is not a guarantee that you get all you want, the guarantee is for you to show or express what you want, and that is what I lost. It is not me alone, everyone lost part of his freedom during those days, but I lost it all and my soul, my life. Why? I was so needy, so vulnerable.

What am I saying today? For those who studied with me or are studying or working from the place I am talking about, you know what I am talking. The thing is not everyone in that place suffers; ahahaa, no, only those who need some help. And since many of us there need it, we all suffer some degree of injustices to our freedom though it is worse with some than is with others. First, I was there on sponsorship and thus I had to be obedient. Second, I needed to study so I needed to cool down. Third, I have a humble background so I had no advocate. Fourth, I was always in school debts of some kind so I needed to plead. There was a lot. For those who read my article about who we are, we found out that our desires won’t go anywhere simply because we don’t accept them or satisfy them. In that view, I was not able to behave according to the book, but I tried. In that manner, I neither pleased them nor myself, I just existed for the whole 3 years but not living. I had no freedom or desires, they were shattered.

Are you picking the point??? Oh no, here is the illustration. You have a sponsor for your course at the university. In his house, you stay and on his food, you eat. The TV you watch is his, the radio you play is his, and eh the clothes you put on are brought by him. Simply, you live because he lives. However, the challenge is that he likes smoking and you do not like it. He supports Manchester United, you are for Arsenal. He believes in Muhammad, and you believe in Jesus. Believe me or not, you will have to either leave his house and all the benefits if you are to keep up with your passions or conceal your passions and stay with him. Actually, this is one of the best psychological ways of making someone do your dirty work: Approach as a helper and be his all. When time comes and you make a request, he won’t resist.
The danger with this method, you never realize that you are a slave of someone. A person feeds you, dresses you up, pays for your luxuries and all your requests are met on time, how dare you think he has imprisoned you!!!! Have you ever wondered how girls fall victim of sugar mummies or daddies?? Here is the trick. The woman appears as your helper; she stands in for you and does everything for you. And when your heart is taken by her goodness, she pushes in her request in a style. In a minute, you are in her thighs. A man offers transport to and from work, he meets your needs (mbu rent, electricity bills, shopping, debts, and protects you on the way as a friend). When your heart is already filled by his angelic actions, he smiles and kisses you. In a minute, you are screaming his name.

Just be sure that as long as you are still in that state of asking for help for everything, you are not yourself. Part of your soul, if not all of it, belongs to your helper. Some of you like free things. Everything you ever want, you need it for free. Who told you free things exist? Who told you that people will help you expecting nothing in return? It may not be you to pay back but someone else will. However, the trouble is that you are the one who pays back most of the times though you never know. I know what I am saying, I passed through it. And, to an extent, I still face it. Yeah, at times we stand for our passions and a desire despite our vulnerable states, but this is rare. Actually, it is never there. We cannot be needy while still holding on our desires in complete. The greater of us lose a part of it; the worst of us lose it all. Check yourself, are you free or you are a prisoner of your boss’ wishes or your sponsor’s passions or your parents’ desires???

Finally, you may think you are yourself yet you are already a follower of your parents’ desires instead of yours. You may think you are safe when all you do and think about is your Principal’s wishes and rules. You may think that what you do is what you want when you are already a prisoner of your pastor’s preaching. You may think you are what you are when all your desire was exchanged for your wife’s or husband’s and you are just a follower. You may think you are free when you are a slave of your sponsor already. That is the danger of being needy. So what is the solution??? Work hard to support yourself. If you are like a pet to your parents, grow up, find means of taking care of some of your simple needs. If you are working for your Boss, save money and start your business soon. It is not good to always work for someone, work for yourself too. If you are staying with someone because you fear rent, you might be losing more than you know. Go out, pay rent and live yourself. If your pastor wants to even define your desires and life, tell him to back off or change the church. If your Principal is not easy on your desires, give her time, but do not lose it all. When a chance shows up or the college is over, revive yourself.

Avoid being too needy in all situations, do something for yourself and your whole life will show up and you will enjoy living. Remember, our desires are our lives, our only guiders that God gave us. The only person you should trust with your freedom is God and to only Him, be vulnerable and needy to the limit. Thank you.

The Complete You Project


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Born from Uganda, Nemeyimana Vicent (Nemvicx) has become what people call, "coming from nothing to something". Professionally, he is both a nurse and public health officer and currently works with Mulago National Referral Hospital. In 2016, he wedded his wife and great sweetheart, Amulen Winfred (also a professional Midwife and counsellor). Besides their professions, Nemvicx is an inspirational writer, singer, motivational speaker, author of several digital books. He a theologian and blogger at (The Complete You Ministry).

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