The 6 Grave Mistakes You as a Christian Should Dare Never Make In Relation To Dating

Are you a Christian and in times of opposite sex relationships and dating? I mean, do you wanna find Mr. or Mrs. Right for you? Yes, you will definitely find one. Actually, I promised to share with you something called ‘How To Find Your Mr. or Mrs. Right’ but before that, let us first understand the 6 dangerous mistakes you should avoid as a Christian as you take on dating.

First, I shared with you The Top 5 Places Where You Are Likely to Meet a Woman or a Man and chances are you shall actually get married. And then later I told you The Only 5 Secrets of Winning Any Woman's Heart. And whether loving a woman or other people, we agreed that it all starts with loving yourself best. Of course, I shared with you a great article about How To Love Yourself Best. So we are left with some few debts; How to tell that she or he is the right one and how best to handle your first dating evening.

But are we not taking your time?

Oh yes, let me jump to the 6 grave mistakes you should avoid during Christian dating.

Surprisingly, we will begin with number 6 today and narrow them down to the most common and dangerous number one mistake! Ready to experience the errors? Waoh! Let's go. 

6. Waiting on God to show you a woman through a dream


Actually, let me be clear; never tell a lady these words; “God has showed me that you shall be my wife”. For God’s sake, that makes you manipulative and unethical.

Yes, according to Proverbs 19:14, a good wife can only be given by God. That was our theme too, but the same book of Proverbs says, “It’s hard to find a good wife and when a man finds one, it is a sign that the Lord is pleased with him (Proverbs 31:10 and 18:22).

You cannot sit and wait for God to do the talking, the connecting, and all sorts of crazy things we do for love. You need to find the right woman, invest your time, knowledge and wisdom in the relationship and make her say yes to you and not somebody else.

Of course, we are not talking about the dirty tricks found among unchristian communities and relationships; we are talking about the hard work as that of Jacob for Rachel, the woman he loved most. You can read that story in the book of Genesis chapter 29:15-30.

Even when he was tricked and given another woman, Jacob stayed put. He accepted to work for more seven years at Laban’s farm just to have the woman (Rachel) he had fallen for. Are you ready to work hard for your relationship?

Talking about this mistake, here is article from Stephen W. Simpson (2008) that you should not miss. It is called The Top 5 Myths Of Christian Dating!

Are you willing to give it all you have got or you are like one of these psychopathies out here deceiving girls in the name of “God has revealed to me that you shall be my wife?”

5. Over-spiritualism


I don’t know if I should be the one to tell you this, but neither ladies nor men like someone who is talking of the bible, choir, pastor, God, Jesus and the like every time and in every place.

Does it sound weird? I will explain, I don’t want anybody to misquote me here.

I am not speaking of being a spiritual man, one who is truly saved and would love to reveal Jesus and stand for Him in whatever place and time; I am talking about this man that has nothing interesting to discuss and thus keeps beating around the bush and gushing out names like Jesus, God, pastor, choir and the church in fairly uncoordinated and non interesting story even at an evening-dating table.

There are some girls who are like that too. They have failed at almost every relationship and their hearts are empty and all they claim is that Jesus is their husband.

And so they will talk about Jesus, bible and God only and nothing else about themselves, their dreams, goals, challenges and real life experiences. I remember asking one of them, “Shall you be speaking the same words with musical background of amazing grace even when making love to your husband?"

For God’s sake, there is time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1) and if it is time for personal relationships, chatting, and dating,  then let it be.

No woman shall enjoy such a boring man. And you may pretend that you are being a Christian and thus increasing your chances of winning her heart but instead you shall achieve the opposite and go to the real human. After all, you know very well deep within your heart that you are not that spiritual. So why not confront your fears and failures instead of hiding behind such boring talks on a moonlight evening?

4. Missionary dating


Missionary dating is simply a situation when a Christian is dating a lady or a man that is not a Christian. Most Christians want to excuse themselves with some bible verse (1 Corinthians 7:12-13) that says that it is possible to marry a non Christian and just change him or her instead of her changing you.

The first challenge is that usually the non Christian usually transforms the Christian or at least affects his depth in faith, but there is another challenge! Which one? Actually, the verse does not say that it is okay to marry an unbeliever; it says that is okay if you are already married.

This is a serious mistake that you may have to avoid. I am aware that some non-believers are even better women and men but that is one side of the story because there is something special that you share with a fellow believer; you both adhere to God’s word.

Of course, you need to still be careful even with your fellow believers for some of them are worse.

Talking about missionary dating, Emily Becker wrote something called 3 Reasons Why Missionary Dating Is A Bad Idea; you could look into that too. 

A man who is unbeliever will become your stumbling block. Yes, a woman who despises everything about God and Christians will do you no good. And if you have not yet picked one, my advice is that you need to find a woman or a man who loves God.

Yes, such men and women exist and it is up to us to find them. I hope you already came across our article called Good Men And Women Still exist. The bible says we have nothing in common with non-believers (2 Corinthians 6:14-17).

But as author Simpson (2008) says there are no biblical guidelines for dating though there are principles (like gentleness, respect, sexual purity, and kindness-Galatians 5:19) that should be adhered to. Thus it may perfectly be okay to date someone who is an unbeliever as long as she or he is the one that makes you complete and happy. Yes, it may apply and well for your case.

3. Being too selective or picky


Just after we have advised you to become careful especially with unbelievers, here we are telling you not to be too selective or picky!

Isn’t it confusing? Of course it should not be.

Listen, when I fell in love with Winnie, many friends started talking and pulling out her dark stories and even mine, but they had a problem. 

What problem! 


Whatever they talked of about me or her was as old as cents to us. During the two years and more of honest friendship, we had talked about ourselves enough. She knew well my sins, mistakes, failures and background weaknesses and I knew hers and we were happily in love despite all that. 

Read the glimpses of our love story in Our Personal Valentine's Day Message 2017

There is no such thing as a perfect person around, not even you. When you love somebody, don’t hesitate. You see, many Christians make this mistake. They take too long trying to find the right one, but I always ask; are you the right one?

We don’t love people because they are perfect only; sometimes we love them so we make them perfect. Yes, there are some important spots that need careful consideration before commitment but most of these differences are minute and as love becomes thicker, they grow thinner. 

I hope you read our article called Love Is Not Blind But Deliberately Decides To Close Eyes

J. Lee Grady makes it plain; “picky guys want a girl who could appear in the swimsuit edition of sports illustrated. Or, some Christian women expect to marry a spiritual giant who prays four hours a day. Be realistic. Whoever you date have feet of clay and plenty of flows to match your own” (J. Lee Grady, 2015)

Yes, you heard him (Lee) right; you have your own faults and sins that will match with hers or his. So relax and move on and hope that along the way, you both shall remold yourselves into the one thing that the bible talks about in Genesis 2:24; one flesh. 

2. Allowing someone else to control your relationship


I think you have realized that we are moving to the most common and dangerous mistakes as we step down the ladder. Many Christians have this mistake, and the worst part of it is that some Christian leaders like pastors and deacons encourage it which compounds the problem even more.

For God’s sake, nobody should decide for you in matters to do with your heart. Many young men and ladies allow their pastors, deacons, youth leaders, parents or even teachers to control their relationships. It reminds me a guy who would first ask a girl’s dad if he should take her out before asking the girl first!

So the lady has hit you and instead of going straight to her, you are asking your choir leader to authorize the move!

And a gentleman has showed interest in you and you are asking your pastor if it the right time! Really, is that the best way you can do it?

You see, things to do with love and relationships are complex and we cannot decipher them because we have masters in divinity or theology; they just need the heart.

Your pastor or deacon may not see sense in that man yet he is all you ever wanted in a man. Your senior advisor may not see the beauty and loyality in that lady yet she is all that makes you happy and complete! 

Are you going to just push him or her away because he or she has not been liked or endorsed by your pastor? I mean, shall your pastor share with you the consequences of the type of marriage you shall have?

And again I don’t want to be misquoted here.

I am not talking about the common virtue of seeking advice, guidance and some kind of tips and helpful guidelines from our leaders and elders; I am talking about the disease of trying to be a more and super Christian by following everything your pastor or dad commands.

Sometimes, these same pastors, parents, choir leaders or deacons will force you to fall in love with someone in the name of prophecies. Yes, they will convince you that God has revealed to them that person so and so is the man or wife for you, but, as always, I say to you; don’t believe in anything that is not from within you in matters to do with your love and relationships, not even from a prophet!

Take an example of Joseph and Mary; the angel tried to convince Mary about having a son without first having sex and Mary objected until the angel introduced Himself; “the Holy Spirit will come upon your life..” (Luke 2:34-35). And also Joseph was not convinced that the pregnancy was of the Holy Spirit until God Himself visited him and asked him not to proceed with divorce (Matthew 1:19-20).

What is the point?

The point is clear; don’t trust your love and relationships with anyone else but your heart. Yes, you can ask for advice, guidance and so on, but you should make your own choices and decisions for none shall be there with you when wrestling with consequences of bad choices. Period!

1. Reluctance to make meaningful opposite sex relationships


Oh yeah, thanks for reading on. Now, here comes the number one common and worst mistake most Christians do in relation to dating; poor opposite sex relationships.

For God’s sake, it is a fact that most relationships that start with friendship actually last long and usually end up in marriage. In other words, every close hook up or friendship with someone of opposite sex should not necessarily mean dating or even marriage. On the contrary, it gives the opportunity to explore the behavior, general likes and dislikes, and so many other issues about opposite sex.

And you know what! Many Christians are poor at this.

Yes, we have grown from societies that quickly think of marriage, sex, or something in that direction whenever they see a man having close relationship with a woman and this should change.

Most Christian ladies and gentlemen don’t know how to relate with their opposite sex friends and this brings trouble even when dating time comes.

Of course don’t pretend like you don’t understand what I am talking about. For God’s sake, I am not talking of the tricky opposite sex relationships among the unbelievers; I am talking of smooth, clean relationships that involve walking together, doing a mission together, helping each other with counsel, money and man power and so much more.

As you get around with people of opposite sex, your approach, perception and take on them matures which is good for future dating and relationships.

Most of the times, these same people who were casual friends turn out to be your lovers (girlfriends and boyfriends) and believe me when I say that these lovers are usually awesome!

As I confessed before, I love Psychology Today and so in one of their studies, they hinted out that the best way for those already in marriage to have a glimpse of the opposite sex is to have couple friendship with another couple. Check their article Here.

This brings us to what we call opposite sex boundaries and author Trillia Newbell does it so well in her 2015 article called Married Couples And Boundaries With The Opposite Sex.

As you must have already noted, the above boundaries are so much specific to those already married, what are your boundaries if you are still single? Of course, you know them. But please, go out and experience opposite sex relationships and find amazing grace of God in that area too.

We are done!

God bless you

Yes, I believe you can

The Complete You Ministry, www.nemvicx.com 

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